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• Try to discuss issues/conflicts in a positive way, without loosing your temper. It is better to 'negotiate' with your teenager and to compromise and find a solution that you both accept, just like you would do when dealings with an adult.
• Show him you understand how he feels and that you are there to help if needed.
• Don't expect to agree with each other all the time. Try to understand her views and let her make her own choices where possible.
• Try to choose a good time to talk things over, and say clearly what you want to happen in a particular situation. You may have to compromise on some things. Be a good listener.
• Avoid "put downs"; never ridicule or make fun of your teenager.
• Don't underestimate the depth of his feelings - be sensitive. It can help to use "I" messages rather than "You". For example "I feel .. when you are " rather than" you make me feel so .. when you do .". Be specific, they then know exactly why you feel the way you do.
• Let your teenager know you value her in your family. They still need to hear that they are loved.
• Teenagers are more likely to show respect for your views if you show them respect too. Try not to be too critical. As they become adults, children need lots of support, encouragement and praise to build up their confidence and self esteem.
• Teach life skills eg how to organise a driver license, defensive driving, how to fill out application forms, attend interviews, budgeting, newspapers, electronic gadgets, use a bank account, timetables etc

I've had a hard time communicating with my 14-year-old daughter, lately. She barely speaks to me, and spends hours on the phone with her friends. How can I reconnect with her? We used to be able to talk about everything.

During adolescence, teenagers often turn to their peers and distance themselves from their parents. It is unfortunate that this happens just at the time when parents find it most important to know what is going on in their children's lives.

The following are a few pointers for improving the lines of communication with your teenager:

* Teens often complain that their parents start a discussion, and then repeat the same points again and again. Give teens a chance to present their side of the problem. Also, give them time to think about how they can work on the problem. Avoid overkill. When the discussion is over, it is over.

* Avoid conversations that put teens in a defensive position. There will be no discussion if you are challenging, threatening or hostile. When you don't want to confront your child with issues that may cause anger, it may be helpful to write things out instead of saying them.

* Give advice, but do not micromanage your teenager's life. Help teens to think the problem out for themselves and come up with possible solutions on their own. Often, teens know when they have messed up and want someone to help clean up the mess.

* Establish a family dinner time and encourage teens to discuss important topics at the table. Spending dinnertime together is one of the most overlooked opportunities for family communication. Having a dedicated family discussion time also shows teens that you are interested in talking to them about what is important in their life.

* Schedule a special time to be alone with your teenager. It may be a trip to the mall or the movies, a walk or a fishing expedition. This special time offers you a chance to talk and listen to your teen without interruption.

Finally, accept the fact that teens may not want to talk about some problems, and may just want you to be there when things get tough. Respect their need for privacy, but show them that you are there for them.

Hopefully, by implementing these recommendations, you may improve the communication between you and your daughter. This is not an easy process, but if successful will be richly rewarding for both of you.

How do I know if my 17-year-old son is depressed?

Depression is often an unrecognized problem among teens. Depression may vary from short-term mood swings to chronic recurrent feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Factors that are linked with depression in teens include low self-esteem, loss of a loved one, family conflicts, and problems with peers. Teens who have a chronic illness, are homosexual, or have a family history of depression are at a high risk for depression, as well.

The following are warning signs of teen depression.

* Significant changes in a teen's eating or sleeping pattern , such as decreased or increased eating or difficulty sleeping at night

* Dramatic change in personality or behavior such as extreme moodiness or irritability

* Drug or alcohol abuse, such as regular use of cigarettes and/or marijuana

* Decline in school performance

* Lack of interest in the future

* Withdrawal from friends, family, and regular activities

* A profound sense of hopelessness, guilt, or unhappiness

How common is depression in adolescents? In a national study conducted by the Center for Disease Control, 61 percent of 8th-10th graders reported feeling sad and hopeless, 36 percent reported nothing to look forward to, and 34 percent expressed serious thoughts of attempting suicide.

Despite the very real threat during teen years, many families do not like to talk about depression or suicide with their children. In fact, many believe that discussing this problem makes depression and suicide more likely to happen. In reality, talking to teens about their feelings may make them feel less hopeless and sad! If your son is exhibiting one or more of the warning signs, you may also want to seek further evaluation of his behavior with a professional, such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, or pediatrician.